I called to tell you that I’ve been thinking about you. And us. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. It seems that I’m always wanting to spend time with you and when I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you and missing you. We get along really well and I enjoy talking to you, and I really like you. I don’t want to see other people and I don’t want to be with other people. I want you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I wasn’t sure whether I should say any of this to you and how I should say it. I thought about talking to W and talking to E about it. But then I realised that you’re the person I would want to talk about this sort of stuff with anyway. You’re the one person who I talk to about how I feel. So I had to tell you.
Right from the beginning, I wanted you and I knew that I had to have you. There was a period where I was really obsessed with you. Then suddenly, when I had you, I didn’t know what to do. So I just acted without thinking and strategising and maybe I was a bit too direct and demanding. That’s probably why you thought I was a player as well. But I’m not, and it’s just that I said whatever came to mind and acted on impulse because I felt comfortable with you. When things didn’t work out, I think I blamed you and was angry at you for a while. Then I started to regret how it happened and blamed myself. I went through all the different stages of grief, until I eventually accepted it.
But we never gave it a proper shot and my feelings haven’t changed. No one should go thru life by themselves, and everyone has to be a part of a team. Right from the beginning, I wanted you on my team. But come on, who wouldn’t want to be on your team?
The point of being apart is to better yourself so that when you do get back together, you’re more ready to be in a relationship with this person. You’ve got to figure out why it didn’t work the first time and go from there.
You’ve also got to forgive. You hurt each other. This isn’t like starting over with a fresh, unmarred person. This is someone with whom you have history and scar tissue. To get back together, you have to go into it without grudges or resentment.
It all seems very difficult. What if you’re just falling into an easy pattern? What if you need to break the cycle?
But also…what if they’re the person for you?
Is it worth the risk?