Toyboy and I have continued to engage in our online banter. I must say, I have missed the feeling of having a crush on someone.
Everything about that person seems perfect and the euphoria of every single little interaction with them can last for days.
It’s an innocent and pure kind of feeling uninhibited by thoughts or intentions of fore-planning. There are no considerations of suitability or possibility.
Apparently, however, Toyboy and his friend had devised some sort of chart ranking the seven girls that Toyboy was potentially interested in and/or who were interested in him. Somehow I made it on to that list, at number 1. But he’s indecisive about it because he doesn’t know how much I like him and he doesn’t know what I have going on with Buff Guy. So he tests to see how interested I am and where he stands. Oh how I love such childish games.
I’m at an interestingly odd juncture that I never thought I would let myself be at. But I am still attached to the idea of being with Buff Guy. So I’m leaving the ultimate decision with him.
In the meanwhile, we’re trying to be friends. Friends who try to see each other every other day. Friends who sometimes hold hands and kiss each other. Friends who are often standing too close to each other.
ARGH I have my first exam of the season in less than 10 hours and I’m still awake writing notes. I wish I had this Celine tote to carry all my notes with me to aforementioned exam. That way, at least I could confront my impending doom looking amazing.
Last semester, last swotvac, last lecture, last visit to the Law Library. Yet all of these supposedly significant events passes me by without any significance.
Call me unsentimental, call me indifferent, call me whatever, but I’ve never felt the need to be nostalgic about finishing university. For me, university seemed like a natural and inevitable part of the growing up process. I’ve never been able to contemplate NOT attending university. Therefore, the idea of completing university has never endowed me with a sense of accomplishment.
For this reason, I don’t think I’m going to attend my graduation ceremony. It would be an empty gesture. Similarly, I never went to my valedictory dinner at the end of high school.
Some people might make an appearance to appease the family, but even my parents wouldn’t derive any satisfaction from witnessing such ceremonious rites. They, who have never wanted to attend any award ceremonies to watch my achievements being celebrated in high school, are hardly going to appreciate attending a ceremony that is merely a testament of what has always been viewed as the bare minimum.