Monthly Archives: March 2012

Lonely in my Company

Every once in while, I hear a song that is so apt and fitting that my heart flutters a little. 

Listening to Gotye’s Somebody that I Used to Know evoked emotions about the Ex that I had never experienced since our breakup four months ago.

I now understand that I had been very immature. In fact, the truth is I treated him badly. Yes, we both behaved badly in the last few months, but after four years, the ending was always going to be messy. Especially as he became aware of its inevitability. Perhaps one day when I have enough courage, I will tell him all this and apologise. But right now, we’re friends, in the awkward way that two people who used to love care for each other try to.

Did I love him? In my own self-absorbed way, I probably did. At the very least, I loved him as much as I could ever love anyone. But love doesn’t always conquer everything. Some people are lucky and are able to follow their hearts. Yet I was am too consumed by trivial pursuits, selfish whims, my pragmatism and other people’s standards to give him a chance.

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Sucker

I don’t know whether my current feelings of misapprehension are justified.

Hour-long journeys to see Buff Guy at least three times a week, putting aside my own deadlines to fulfill his, and his unwillingness to be more accommodating for my needs is starting to grate on my nerves

Most of the time, I am appreciative of the Buff Guy’s various attributes and finer qualities. I value the fact that he provides fresh viewpoints, has the ability to make me see different perspectives, and thus inspires positive changes in me.

But occasionally, I lose a bit of resolve and start to miss being dined and wined, taken shopping, and chauffeured around.

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